This is not my usual blog and I must admit, a difficult blog to write. Why is it difficult? It’s about the very topic we are discussing. I found it difficult because I thought of what people might say, about an educator and clinician talking about success and what might be holding you back.
We must lead by example and so here it is.
The original thoughts on this came to me a few years ago and as recently as yesterday, when I heard about Fellowship Delegates visiting psychologists, to help them prepare for these exams. I remember going to see a GP who was also a hypnotherapist when I was studying for the exam, but remember tuning out, half way into the session, paying him and leaving, knowing that it wasn’t going to help. I also visited a psychologist and found out what I had already known, that sorting myself out first, was what it was about.
Success in the Fellowship Exams is the same as success anywhere else in life. It’s about overcoming fear. Our greatest fear is “That we may not be enough”. “What will my colleagues and friends think of me if I fail the exam?” “They’ll know I’m a fake” They’ll know I don’t know anything” “People won’t like me anymore”. “I’ll lose my job”….and these thoughts push us closer to paralysing fear. The excuses then come in… “I have a mortgage”, “I have a family”, “I need to look after myself”, “I can’t do it right now”.
This is the fear that stops you from starting. But fear can also be fear of success for some. “What if I pass and people think I’m a know-it-all and don’t like me?” “What if my husband hates me, because I’m earning more than him?” This fear of success is real and I have seen it in my other profession as an Architect, where a female co-worker had relationship issues because her husband felt threatened by her great success( he felt that he may not be enough).
Let me tell you, whatever you are facing now, doesn’t go away. The mortgage is still there, the kids need looking after, your partner needs your attention and the list goes on.
The ability to stand out from the crowd(to be outstanding), to perform at a level that inspires others is a decision away. You need to raise your standards and expectations and strive for something just out of your reach. You need to stretch yourself to feel alive.
Have you ever felt it? When you’re ‘in the zone’, when things are falling in place, when it’s all going your way? That’s not luck, that’s you working to a new level, to a new expectation, to a new standard. Remember back to that time and know it’s in you.
One other thing to be careful of, as you strive, is….limiting beliefs. What are they? Anthony Robbins talks about these and he’s amazing at it. They are beliefs that we believe to be true, but are in fact, false. They lead us to thinking in a certain way, colour our views and limit our potential.
If you want to be great at business, but have the limiting belief that ‘business’ is a dirty word and its ruthless and you’ll get swindled, then you’re going to self sabotage, because you don’t want to become that which you loathe. The trick is to understand that that belief is untrue and you will not be that way, but will act with honesty and integrity.
How did those beliefs get in there? No-one knows. How did you get yours? Maybe your parents put them there, or a friend or sibling, or you just picked them up. Anyhow, there they sit waiting to be activated.
What are your limiting beliefs?
“I’m not clever enough to do this”
“It will be so much work, I won’t be able to do it” Any sound familiar?
Write them down and see how ridiculous they are. Picture the outcomes if these were true and know that they cannot be.
Be careful that you don’t have beliefs that are at odds with each other. More on that in the podcast.
So what do you have to do, must do, must accomplish. Remember that famous Jedi Yoda who said “There is no try, there is do” What is it that you have to do?
- Write it down. Write that biggest goal down and then write how your life will change for the better when you achieve it.
- Write down your limiting beliefs or the things that scare you and then, why these things are not true. Have something to remind you. Many years ago I had my best friend, who was into art, paint me a picture with the title of ‘No Fear’, to remind me.
- Write down how you will achieve your goal. If you don’t know yet that’s OKAY.
- Break it down.
- Schedule it- put it on a whiteboard, in your diary, on your calendar and do it!
- Picture yourself having achieved it. Make it real, feel it. How will you celebrate, how happy will you be, how will family your feel. Make it real. The mind can’t tell the difference between what is real and the ‘construct’ you put before it. If you watched the Olympics, you would have seen the ‘visualisation’ that each athlete went through before an event.
Good Luck, with whatever your inspiring goal is. Remember that those things that are easily achievable aren’t as much fun as those that make you stretch yourself and get you to a new level. Don’t worry about what others will say. They’re too busy sorting themselves out. Concentrate with laser-like focus on what you’re doing.
Decide now and do it!
Peter Kas
